June 19, 2012

I Might Be Dying; and Other Exaggerations

You may or may not have noticed that I've been M.I.A lately. Let's hope you have. Well: it boils down to my month of Murphy's Law and total dance card fullness. Guys, it's really hard being so in demand.
First, The Mailman and I had back to back to back to back Family parties that we planned. 

Then...the basement flooded. The Mailman's prized man cave. It had to be gutted (partially) and is getting totally redone. Oh, and Lew is doing it on his own. I'm trying to help but have been derailed Stressssss.

Then, I begin battling my own health issues. Here's a candid The Mailman took:

(the rest is a lot about poop- so, thanks for getting this far, and I understand if you stop here...)

I haven't been what one would call "regular" in about 3 years. I also haven't had health insurance for most of my adult life ( yay freelance!) But thanks to my new fancy full time job (I'm a social media specialist. It's a fancy term for playing on the face and twitter all day) I've finally been able to head to the good ol' M.D.

After taking numerous vials of blood...we found....nothing.

I started doing my own corn based research, if you catch my drift, and realized, my body doesn't digest food. Not a single bit. It took 7 days for that corn to present itself again. It seems to have caused my unexplained weight gain.

The doctor heard my hypothesis, agreed, and put me on digestive enzymes, B12 and probiotics. After a few days of this: fever, chills and pain below the tum tum (as if my ovaries were stabbing each other). So that's where I am. In bed, under a comforter in the summer, freezing cold. I looked a hot mess at Home Depot tonight. I'm pretty positive it's terminal and this is the end.

UFG'ers: help! Is this related? Is it just toxins getting out of my system? Have any of you had this?

In silver lining news: I did treat myself to a bomb pedicure:

Don't you die for that color!?

And I have 2 great recipes coming up. I promise! Stick with me, UFG'ers. If we can get through this, we're set for life!


  1. I can't speak specifically to how you're reacting to the digestive enzymes, etc., as I've never tried them.

    However, regarding the "irregularity" (and this may be painfully obvious, so I apologize if you've already tried this) - do you eat more than 5 servings of raw fruits and veggies a day? Especially the fibrous ones, like broccoli, spinach, raspberries, etc.? Beans may also be helpful. Furthermore, a high-fiber cereal or oatmeal with high-fiber toppings like bananas and/or almond butter in the morning might help round out the diet.

    More than 5 servings of fruits & veggies would likely include something like 2 salads a day and fruit as snacks (maybe a cup of black/blueberries or a mango or an apple or whatever). This is probably more fruits & veggies than most people are used to, but would likely aid in the "irregularity" issues.

    But I am no doctor, so obviously you should listen to what your doctor says regarding your concerns. But this has worked for me.

    1. Thanks! You know, I do eat a lot of fruit, and have noticed a difference. I eat a huuuuuuge fruit salad (no sugar or sweeteners) every day for lunch and usually have broccoli or the like with dinner. Perhaps high fiber cereal is in order rather than my usual breakfast of a tiny yogurt and not much else!

  2. Your toes are pretty. Keep your head up sweet thang. -Megs